On Grammar and Spelling Nazis

Anyone who has been on the internet for longer than a few seconds, has heard of the Grammar and Spelling Nazis.  I am one of them and, hypocritically, you wouldn't take my grammar back to meet your parents.  However there is, I feel, a line that needs to be drawn between "making an effort" and "evidently raised in Missouri".


To me, one of the funniest insults I have ever seen is the classic, "your retarded".  Using the wrong contraction when calling someone else retarded is viciously amusing to me.  "Your retarded".  Are you looking for my retarded?  He might be behind the couch.


The problem that we have, is the backlash we receive after we correct somebody.  Apparently it's not important to spell correctly or be coherent.  Evidently, as long as somebody understands what you mean, all that spelling and structure isn't needed.

Unfortunately, bad sentences are like concentration camps.  


I'm sorry, did that offend you?  Well it doesn't matter, the fact is, is that if we point out a sentence is an abomination of the English language, we are instantly compared to a bunch of genocidal warmongers.  If you're going to compare us to those Hitler-loving dickheads, I am going to compare your sentences to the devilry they committed on mankind.


So, once we've made our corrections, and we've been outed as a "fucking grammar Nazi", the obvious next step is to ask why we do it.  Why do we have to belittle the poster who can't be bothered to proof-read their single-line comment on why Sarah Palin is so awesome?  The answer is simple.  To save mankind.  Or "humankind", if you want to be an asshole.


Imagine, for a moment, that you are applying for a position at a company.  You type up your horrendous Resume. Microsoft Word warns you of the 58 spelling crimes you've committed. You dutifully fix them using the suggestions, oblivious to the fact that "I am a good thyme keeper" won't help your employment chances.  Unless of course the company in question is concerned with your ability to be attentive to spices.


Microsoft Word might also underline some sentences and suggest your grammar just mated with something unsavory.  Once again, you dutifully accept its suggestions. Unbeknown to you, Microsoft Word doesn't know what the fuck it's talking about, and wouldn't know grammar if it dropped its pants and said "Take me".


Happy that you've bested the other 58 mongoloid applicants, you send it out.  You don't get hired.  Wait, what was that?  You didn't get hired?  Why?  You didn't get hired because the person reading your resume had an aneurysm.  Now, you may be think that there is a difference between watching your English in a forum post, and giving a company your resume.  Here's a tip:  There isn't.

Every time you write, you are training your brain.  The more you write, the better you get at it.  So even just an innocuous forum post supporting the republicans, needs to be well thought-out.  Also, the effort that you put in to something is a direct reflection on other areas in your life.  When I read posts where the English language has been brutally abused, it tells me that the person behind that post is taking up too much of our precious oxygen.


So how are we saving mankind?  If we let our standards slip, some years from now we're going to be struggling to open milk cartons.  Science will have long ago died because nobody had the basic skills needed to read Chemistry 101, and formulate an opinion.


So join me.  There are grammatical errors all over this blog post.  Do me, and the rest of mankind, a favor and report them to me.